We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
