Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
