It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
