it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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