PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize