He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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