Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
