Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
