i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
