We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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