your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
