I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
