Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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