I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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