yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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