I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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