After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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