We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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