Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
