Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
