Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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