Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
