I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she looked like the before picture.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
