I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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