Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
