Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the day after is always just damage control
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
