you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
pray to the hookup gods
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
