Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
