Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is Oprah even human
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
