Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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