I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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