Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
