I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize