dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
