if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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