do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize