Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize