someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
