Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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