She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
