Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
