I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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