Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
