I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
