I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
