For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
