It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
