I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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