is your mom at the bar?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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