Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
