i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Randomize
