The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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