i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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