Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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