due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I deserve this hangover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
