I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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