so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize