No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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