I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
