Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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