She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
