She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
