dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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