do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
BRING THE BAGELS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
