If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
