you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize