come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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